The ‘bird theory,’ a viral TikTok trend, has sparked widespread debate about its effectiveness as a litmus test for relationship health. The concept, rooted in the idea of ‘bids for connection,’ measures a partner’s responsiveness to seemingly trivial observations, such as pointing out a bird. Layne Berthoud, an occupational therapist from Los Angeles, inadvertently became a focal point of this trend when her TikTok video, featuring her husband Alexandre Berthoud, garnered nearly 5 million views in just five days. In the video, Layne mentions seeing a bird, and Alexandre’s curious response—’Oh yeah?’—unwittingly passed the test.
The ‘bird theory’ is based on the work of Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher, who emphasizes the importance of couples acknowledging each other’s bids for connection. According to Gottman, couples who consistently respond to these bids are more likely to stay together. However, experts like Carrie Cole, director of research at the Gottman Institute, express reservations about using such tests to gauge relationship health. ‘What if your partner fails?’ Cole asks, highlighting the potential pitfalls of contrived scenarios.
The trend is part of a broader social media phenomenon, including the ‘orange peel theory’ and the ‘princess treatment’ debate, which reflect a collective desire to understand and validate intimate relationships. Alexandra Solomon, a clinical psychologist, notes that these tests echo the relationship quizzes found in women’s magazines, offering a sense of validation or camaraderie. However, she cautions against overinterpreting the results, emphasizing that a failed test should prompt deeper conversations rather than immediate conclusions.
Despite the popularity of these tests, experts agree that they often provide limited insight into the true dynamics of a relationship. Layne and Alexandre Berthoud, for instance, emphasize the importance of daily efforts to nurture their relationship, rather than relying on viral tests. ‘If I really had deep relationship questions, I probably wouldn’t record it,’ Layne said, ‘And I definitely wouldn’t post it.’